Still There
by ap-q-n
Summary: She tries to smile, tries to lighten up the mood, and reaches into her coat pocket. Her fingers wrap around a scrap of paper. The post-it is crumpled, from hours of folding and squeezing in the depths of her pocket. Caskett. One-shot.


**Author's Note: **_Hah, another story! :D Anyway, this was actually the first fan fiction I've written for Castle, but didn't think it was good, so I uploaded the Paper Elephant one first. And also, I don't know what it is with me and notes and hugs and cheesy things like that. I'm just not so good with the details of their character._

_I hope you like it nonetheless. I greatly appreciate reviews!_

**Summary: **She tries to smile, tries to lighten up the mood, and reaches into her coat pocket. Her fingers wrap around a scrap of paper. The post-it is crumpled, from hours of folding and squeezing in the depths of her pocket. Caskett. One-shot.

* * *

Beckett gathers up her courage and steps out of the elevator.

Her arm is heavy; there is a brown leather jacket draping over it. Castle's jacket, the one she took back from Slaughter, because she thinks it looks far better on her partner. She's come here to return it. Maybe earn a few smiles, if she's lucky.

Oh, come on.

Of course she came here for reasons certainly not pertaining to the coat. She just wants to talk. She wants to talk about her, about him, about them. Because _oh, everything is not fine._

So, she gathers up her courage (once again) and walks to the large door that she had rested her eyes upon many times. She takes a deep breath, lifts her hand, and knocks. Beckett waits a moment, then another, then another. She begins to worry. What if Castle isn't here? Or, even worse, what if he's out with the blonde bimbo – what was her name, Cindy? Jessica? Jacinda?

But, just as she was about to turn away, the door swings open.

"Beckett. Hi," Castle greets, his face showing evident surprise at her unannounced visit.

She smiles, or at least tries to, but knows she has failed miserably. "Hey."

"What… what are you doing here?"

Kate jerks her arm up, showing Castle (although, he probably already saw it) his coat. But, she doesn't meet his eyes. She looks around, anywhere, everywhere away from Castle. "Here. I, um, I got it back. For you. Because – because I knew you'd want it back."

She winces at her own stutter, at the horrible way she doesn't seem confident.

"Oh. Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it," he replies, a faint smile on his lips, seeming a little forced.

"Can I… can I come in?"

"Right. Yeah," he says, stepping back and opening the door wide enough to let her in. "Come on in."

Beckett hesitantly walks inside. She stops in the living room, turning around. She doesn't take off her coat though, because she knows she won't be here long.

"I brought you something."

"The jacket? Yeah, well. I think I got that."

"No, not that. Something else."

"Um, what is it?"

She takes a deep breath, and steps back toward Castle standing at the edge of the living room. They're too far apart. They shouldn't be so far apart. It makes her feel uncomfortable, how she wants to be closer. But, come on. She knows it. She knows her – _feelings_ – for him. So, no use denying it that she wants to lessen the distance.

Kate lifts her head slightly, looking up into his eyes from under her lashes. She's wearing a pair of flats, not her power heels, and she does not feel very powerful at the moment.

He lifts his eyebrows, in question, waiting for what she brought him.

She tries to smile, tries to lighten up the mood, and reaches into her coat pocket. Her fingers wrap around a scrap of paper. The post-it is crumpled, from hours of folding and squeezing in the depths of her pocket. She had fingered it during the day, after Castle left to go home. Kate closes her eyes for a moment, and then slowly takes her hand out of her pocket.

Castle waits, curiosity brimming his eyes. Beckett grabs his hand with hers, opens up his palm, and presses the note to him. She closes his hand into a fist and drops it. Inhaling quickly, she hastily shuffles back to the door, opening it.

"I'm gonna go. I'll… see you tomorrow?"

He blinks, and after what seems like a lifetime, nods. "Yeah. 'Til tomorrow, Beckett."

She smiles, that tight-lipped one, and it's for real this time.

* * *

The writer looks down into his palm, and eyes the crinkled sticky note. It's neon green, the pack that he bought and stuck it to his corner of Beckett's desk some weeks ago. It sort of warms his heart that she used his post-its, the ones she irritatingly raised an eyebrow at, because it really stood out against her wooden desk and every passerby just had to give it a look.

Castle purses his lips for a moment, and then finally reaches with his fingers of both hands to unwrap the paper. He goes carefully, for some reason afraid that it would rip; that it's so fragile.

After opening the note, he smoothens out the wrinkles of the paper with brushed of his thumb, trying to get it to be as neat as possible before reading whatever might be on there. Her handwriting is neat, in the thin black ink of the pen she uses for her paperwork.

_I'm sorry_

_I'm a coward_

_You deserve better. I'm not worth it._

_I love you (too, if you're still there)_

He sucks in a breath.

This was seriously not what he was expecting. He stares at the _I love you_ for far too long, still frozen in spot at the edge of his living room. He's somehow glad that Alexis and his mother aren't here tonight.

_I love you (too, if you're still there)_

Wait. Hold on a second. He traces his eyes back up the note, and pauses at one line.

_I'm not worth it._

No, no, no, no.

Okay, he might have been trying to get away from her, avoiding her, turning off _that_ switch. But no, it's not possible. That switch is practically super-glued to one side, and it's impossible to move it. He loves her. Yes, he does.

But – that secret. The one about _every second of it_ still haunts him. He's angry, no, furious, that she had lied to him all this time. Seven months. But who was counting, right? Definitely not him.

(And probably not her.)

Castle squeezes his eyes shut. He thinks. He needs to think. But, sometimes, his thinking isn't very good, so he lets his heart take over.

* * *

As Kate opens the door to the street, she realizes that it had started raining. Great. Now, of all times. She hops to the edge of the sidewalk, already shivering from the cold temperature mixed in with the drizzling of rain. Sticking out a hand for a cab, she waits.

A taxi doesn't stop for her. All of them are filled with businessmen and city wanderers trying to escape the sudden sprinkle, and the slowly growing traffic of the rainy road is not helping her find one, either.

So what should she do?

She can't wait out here in the rain for a taxi. She can't go back into Castle's loft and ask _oh sorry for coming back and bothering you again and dripping rain on your floor but I need to borrow your car oh and also have you read my note that expresses my deep feelings for you?_

Instead of doing anything stupid like that, she decides to do another stupid thing altogether. Kate steps back toward the door of the apartment building, and waits under the covering. Maybe it'll be a short rain like usual, and it'll stop sooner or later (hopefully the former). The water is already seeping in through her clothes and touching her skin (oh, she wishes something else _or someone_ would touch her skin) and making her shiver.

She inhales deeply and closes her eyes, leaning back against the outside wall of the apartment building, when suddenly she's engulfed in something tremendously warm.

She can tell what – or who – it is before opening her eyes by the smell. It's the scent of him, of Castle, her little guilty pleasure. Still with her eyes shut, Kate breathes him in and wraps her arms around his neck, embracing him back, when suddenly – _what is she doing?_

Beckett quickly scrambles back, pushing him off. "Castle, what – what are you doing?" she asks, a little too breathless than she is comfortable with.

Castle gives her a look. No, not _that_ look, like the ones she gives him. It's that look that Kate likes so much. The look that just pours out his love.

"I – I read your note."

How much more awkward can this get?

"Oh."

She shuffles her feet a bit, looking down to the floor. Just anywhere away from him, again. _What a coward._

"I still do."

Kate raises her head, finally meeting his eyes. She lifts an eyebrow in confusion. "What?"

"I still do. I'm still there. I still… love you," he breathes out, a hint of hesitation flashing in his eyes, like he's afraid that he's saying the wrong thing.

But no, no. He is certainly saying the right thing, because then she smiles. It's one of those genuine, teeth-showing, super joyous looking ones, the ones she knows he loves, because now he's smiling too. Here they are, humans of opposite gender who just confessed their love to each other and smiling like goofballs. What shall they do next?

Kate bites her lip, trying to stop the smile – but that's just not something that would work. Her smile goes to full-bloom, and she thinks she can almost squeal, because she has waited so long to hear those words again; to hear that he wants to give them a chance. Instead, she wraps her arms around Castle's neck and presses herself to him.

The sudden movement makes him stumble back, and great rumbles of laughter boom out of him, making her insides tingle. She laughs along with him; both of them are just so happy to be here together.

Castle rubs his hand up and down her spine and she feels her heart start to beat double time.

But if she thinks that's going to make her heart explode, what will happen when he nonchalantly asks, "Stay with me tonight?"

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Drop a review and I'll hand over a paper elephant._


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